Sunday, August 12, 2012

Lone Robot

One day I was walking through the woods, tree so tall I couldn't see the top and the golden suns ray shining through the trees. Crunch crunch crunch as I jumped on leaves. Then smoke as black as night appeared above the trees. I could hear a choo choo. I walked towards smoke. Then a huge thing rolls pass on two metal lines somewhere. Next thing I see, the same logo on the rolling thing as me, I decide to stumble on the big rolling thing. I find a somewhere to relax and go to sleep. I see a box this way up it said OK so got on the big box and went to sleep

When I wake up a big robot with two big hands and picks up the box and takes it somewhere. I jump off, it starts to chase me, I run and run. But I trip over. Oh no this is the end I said. Then is turned like I was not there. I shook my head. This surely was not like home. I walk forward, crunch as I land on a leaf. Then I look at the leaf reminding me of the wood. Then I see the golden sun and I could see the woods. So I walked down to the woods, home sweet home.

6 comments:

  1. I really like the part where the robot decides this is not home. You really wrote that well and expressed feelings in a clever way.

    Your whole story is direct and the reader can picture exactly what is happening. You use your senses well. Well done, Lachlan!

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  2. Great Writing Lachlan.
    I am glad that Mr.M found this in yours drafts, because it is so cool!
    I agree with Mr.M when he said you used your senses so well.
    I could even see the picture in my mind, it was like a story book.
    The feelings that you put in it were great.
    WELL DONE LACHLAN:)

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  3. Great Lachlan.
    I love your writing, It really gives me a picture in my head. And you described everything.
    Well Done!

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  4. I love it Lachlan
    It gives me a picture of it in my head

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  5. Cool Story Lachlan.
    I really like your part where it says home sweet home when he is in the woods.
    Awesome story
    From Brody.

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  6. Great Story Lachlan!
    I like the start, I like how you described where he was and I also like the end. Well done!

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